Should a teacher cry in front of his or her students?

by franderam

One of our 7^th grade students, Chris, did something very upsetting to his banzhuren (a kind of homeroom teacher – check out “banzhuren” for more details). His actions prompted the teacher, Miss Cai, to cry in front of many of the students. After she spent time alone in reflection, she used part of her homeroom time to ask students what their thoughts were about the incident. Her questions were: Do you think a teacher should cry in front of students? What do you learn from the teacher when she or he cries?

Although our students are from a rural Yunnan village, I found their answers to be varied, colorful, thoughtful, and not unlike any other 7^th grader trying to grapple with the purpose and meaning behind emotions. Some of their replies focused on practicality, while others focused on crying being a shared emotion. Below is a small selection of some of our students’ replies (I use their English names for confidentiality):

May: Teachers can cry. Everyone has a weak part. Sometimes it’s good to have your tears out and front. I learn from your tears that you are disappointed in the boys and cherish the girls.

Evan: I think teachers shouldn’t cry in front of students because I think that some students will not want to listen to you even more.

Will: Yes. I know that the teacher has done so many things for us. Yesterday, when you asked me to clean the trash, I said “No.” But now, I want to say sorry.

Tony: Teachers shouldn’t cry in front of students. Teachers cry because they care about students.

Flora: Yes, I think so. I learn from your tears that it is very difficult to be a teacher and that you love us.

Viola: No. I learn from your tears that you are very disappointed in us. Don’t cry. We will change our bad habits.

Judy: I think you can cry in front of students because your tears are for us. I know you are crying only because you have no other option. From your tears, I know you are very tired from managing our class. But [because] some students are so loud and act out, you have cried multiple times. You are using your heart to teach us, so I want to say thank you.

Vivian: No because it’s not worth it. From your tears, I know that you love us and care for us more than our relatives. I know that your heart is as soft as mine. You’re not supposed to see the sad things.

Lucas: Sometimes.  You cry because you are too good to us. Teacher, you should ask yourself if you should cry or not. Don’t be sad anymore, okay?

Dragon: No, because when you cry, other classes will come and laugh at us. You cry because of us, because you love us.

Ralph: You shouldn’t cry in front of us. I really can’t stand women crying.

Happy: No. Teachers shouldn’t cry. We shouldn’t make teachers cry over us. I learned from the tears that our teacher cares about us. But we didn’t know that before. Our teacher takes care of each one of us. Her care exceeds my own friends and family.

John: From you, I feel motherly warmth. This is my first time to write about what I really feel. But, can you not ask my parents to come to school when I make mistakes? There is a lot of hard labor and farming for them to do. For me, you can either hit or curse me. But if you call my parents to school, I’d rather be kicked out. Normally, I won’t write something like this. But to tell you the truth, I have cried countless times. But when I cry, it is not the time that my heart hurts the most. My heart hurts the most when I see other people cry.  You ask me if a teacher can cry in front of students or not, and the answer is so obvious. To obey the teacher is a student’s responsibility. To make you cry, I see my life going down.

Mark: Teachers shouldn’t cry in front of students because a teacher is a human being. A teacher has his or her own self-respect. Since I have been a student, you are the only teacher I have seen cry in front of students. When I see you cry, I want to cry too. I know that you are caring for us instead of hurting us.

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